SEKUNTUM MEMOAR

October 17th, 2024 Little bit late from my birthday, but I want to keep the memory that I've ever had in every year I become more older. So, that I can track my personality growth in the future.  Three days ago, I just turn 24. Yet, still discovering what I want to do in my rest of life. But, this year is different from the last year. Yes, I got my first job in a telecommunication company at Jakarta. I am happy because at least I have my own salary and not being a burden for my dad. But, I got a new question after I got a job and start live as a "real" adult. In the previous year, I kept asking myself about who am I? Still learning about my personality. But, this year is different. I ask to myself, "Am I wrong for following this path?, Is my decision right for my life?" Few things that I questioned myself are my decision for choose this company and field as my first job. The second thing is, I actually bought a bootcamp for UI/UX career, but actually I also alre...

Am I be able to live the life that I really want? I am not sure what would going on in the future. Lately, I just saw a lot of celebrities that really inspiring. May be it is sound cringe for someone that hate Korean entertainment industry. But, never mind. I just write what I thought about their career journey.  First, actor Byeon Woo Seok. He is well known as an actor after his role in the movie called 20th Century Girl. It was not really booming at that time, but he started his journey as a big star is started from that movie. Now, in 2024 he really hit the top of his career as an actor for his role as Ryu Sunjae, the male lead in K-drama called Lovely Runner. This role has very big impact for him. Almost all of K-drama lovers fall in love with him, including me. But, let's focus on his career journey instead. He started his career as a model in 20 What I wanted to say is, he is very determined, patience, and never give up. 100 times he being rejected in auditions.  Second ...

You know what? Actually I identified myself as a silly, temperamental, emotional, childish, patience, and cuddly person at the same time. I become different person in every situation and places, also depend on with who I spending my time. But not always. It also depend on my personal emotions and feeling that day. Confusing, right? Ha ha. My personality changes in every situations. What most people don’t know about me, even my closest friend is the fact that actually I turn into a silly person when I am spending my time at home with my family. I can fill the house with my jokes and humor wich is didn’t come out when I am with my friend or other people outside. I am super happy when my jokes works in front of people and can make them laugh. But it is just work in front of my family. Other than that, my family (parent and siblings) never judged me. I just acted like a fool at home in a funny way. I just want to make them happy and laugh beside our struggle in life. I have never been afra...

Hari ini, usiaku genap menjadi 23 tahun. Kok hidup semakin ruwet aja ya. Di tengah-tengah skripsi-an, masalah hidup malah muncul lagi. Nggak cuma itu, tapi pertarungan sama batin sendiri juga nggak selesai-selesai. Mulai ujian hidup yang tambah berat, ngerasa diri ini emang ditakdirkan buat ngurusin orang lain dalam artian ngerawat orang lain, mikirin hidup orang lain yang sebenernya emang keluarga sendiri, tapi ada momen di mana ngerasa capek banget hidup kayak begini selama bertahun-tahun. Terus ada faktor dari internal diriku sendiri. Mulai dari self comparison, overthinking, insecure, terus akhirnya ngerasa stress sendiri. Tambah usia jadi tambah ujian dan bebannya. Yah, walaupun begitu, goals hidupku masih banyak. Masih banyak yang pengen aku lakuin.  Hari ini juga, aku bersyukur Allah mendekatkan aku sama orang-orang baik. Orang-orang yang sama-sama menganggap teman dan sahabat. Walaupun mungkin suatu saat nanti mereka bakal punya hidup masing-masing, tapi yang paling pent...

Jadi, cerita ini adalah bagian dari mimpi selama aku tertidur. Jalan ceritanya cukup rapih, akhirnya kutulis menjadi sebuah cerita yang sangat pendek, walaupun di awal sedikit kabur :) Iblis Di desa itu, di persawahan yang luas, setiap petani memiliki minotaur (banteng setengah manusia) yang membantu mereka memanen padi. Persawahan itu dijaga ketat oleh seorang pria gagah dengan wajah yang tegas. Tini dan kakaknya, Tina yang tersesat di tengah-tengah sibuknya panen padi tersebut sangat ketakutan dengan adanya minotaur yang dimiliki setiap petani. Di tengah ketakutan yang luar biasa, tiba-tiba penjaga wilayah itu datang dan tampak curiga dengan kehadiran dua gadis itu. Tini menjelaskan apa yang membuat mereka berada di persawahan itu dengan penuh rasa takut. Penjaga yang setengah percaya itu mencoba mengerti apa yang dibicarakan Tini. Tini yang ketakutan langsung meminta tolong kepada penjaga untuk membantu mereka keluar dari persawahan itu. “Tolong, hiks… tolong kami… kami takut. Kami...

Hari ini, aku bilang sama Allah sambil nangis: "Ya Allah, aku capek.... Capek banget.." Kata itu aja yang bisa menggambarkan perasaanku hari ini. Kayaknya ini udah di ujung banget, nggak kebendung lagi. Udah numpuk banget, akhirnya keluar juga air mata. Nggak tau juga apakah ini ujung, atau masih bakal ada emosi yang numpuk ke depannya. Aku itu rapuh, tapi tetep ditempa sama keadaan kayak gini. Bertahun-tahun lamanya, lebih dari tiga per empat usiaku saat ini. Bahkan sekarang malah lebih berat, mulai dari tiga tahun yang lalu. Bener-bener berat banget buat aku.  Start dari tiga tahun lalu itu, dan hari ini ada di titik capek banget sama keadaan. Lagi dan lagi, di saat kemarin-kemarin udah mulai membaik dan stabil, hari ini malah langsung dibalik lagi. Harus nerima apa yang Allah kasih buat aku saat ini, dalam bentuk apapun termasuk ujian-Nya. Yah, mungkin emang ini ujian yang harus aku hadapi. Walaupun rasanya berat banget, yakin aja kalau bakal berlalu. Bakal sembuh, entah ...